I've always wanted to be a walrus. I mean, who hasn't? (Statistically, only 13.6% of the U.S. population admits to this) So right now I am a little jealous of Justin Long, who is kidnapped and turned into a human walrus in the horror-comedy Tusk.

Written and directed by Kevin Smith, Tuskis a slickly made little film that relies on Smith's knack for sharp dialogue and one weird-ass premise. Entertaining, especially in the first half, the movie basically entails a cocky Long (I realize that sounds like a porn star name) holding a lengthy conversation with a weird-ass motherfucker named Howard (Michael Parks)... and then literally getting turned into a grotesque walrus.

As dumb as that sounds, Tusk keeps you energized with its offbeat dialogue and slow-boil tension--and then with the execution of the promised premise, which has to be seen to be believed. Parks is terrific is as the coolly psychotic “killer,” and Haley Joel Osment and Genesis Rodriguez are good in supporting roles.

The movie is surprisingly captivating... until Johnny Depp shows up.

Though Depp is credited as Guy Lapointe and hides under a quirky accent and makeup, his character--Guy Lapointe--carries all the traits Depp is known for. While oddly funny at times if only for the randomness of it all, Depp’s character so drastically contrasts with the rest of the film that Tusk begins to fall apart at the seams.

The real problem, of course, is that Kevin Smith came up with a great first half a weird-as-fuck premise, but didn’t know what to do once his main character is actually turned into a walrus. The third act weighs heavily on Depp telling weird-ass, meandering and often boring stories--because there is no where else for the story to go save for a few minutes of Long attempting to do something about his dire situation.

The ending makes no sense either, but then again, does a movie about a man who is turned into a walrus need a sensical ending?

Tusk is fun, imaginative and well-written, but its entertainment value drops significantly in the final act. Nonetheless, horror fans shouldn’t miss it. As for me... I’ll keep hoping that some rich millionaire comes along who wants to turn me into his Mr. Tusk.

Review by Erik Samdahl. Erik is a marketing and technology executive by day, avid movie lover by night. He is a member of the Seattle Film Critics Society.